I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
