Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
