I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
