the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
