Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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