my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
