your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
