there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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