Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
how drunk are you?
Several
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
