One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
