are you so shy because you have an std?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
