I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
