I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize