I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize