Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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