I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
