he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
