I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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