Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
