A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
