Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
