i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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