He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize