so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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