There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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