Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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