Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
