So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
