i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
