I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
