remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I bet he comes in French.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't deserve a penis
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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