One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
