How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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