I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize