so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
