Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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