The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
