I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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