remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
