is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
