I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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