Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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