Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize