Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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