I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
