i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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