I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
