and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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