the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
