Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize