I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
