Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
