No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Found the puke drawer
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
