Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
