So drunk its hurt
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
