just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
