Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
