I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize