We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
