dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
