Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
