i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
