Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
