Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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