i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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