I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize