I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
