No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
