I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
