Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
