Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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