I smell stomach acid.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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