how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
