So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
