omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Still dying that you shit outside
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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