She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
