I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
