I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
