Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize