were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
