I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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