It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
