i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize