Got a toothbrush?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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