i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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