Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it glows. i had to have it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
