Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
