I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
