so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
