I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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