I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
