i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
