I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize