and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
