i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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