It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
