I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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