Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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