It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize