Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
