spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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