its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Sober January is a disaster.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
