Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
