Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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