I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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