Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
