i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
