Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
