i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
