she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
