Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
