Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
