My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
