how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
